meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
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