i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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