mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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