a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize