dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
