So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
