i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
