So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
This house was built for laser tag.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
