You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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