You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
