I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
