Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
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