pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
