guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
