i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
there was a trapeze. enough said
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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