I think I died a long time ago.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
