i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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