The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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