I molested 6 butterflies tonight
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
