Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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