i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
