The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
