And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I just pynch a tree in the face
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
