i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
