You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
