She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Randomize