I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
