this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
