if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
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I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
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You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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