it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
They have beer where we have blood.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
