You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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