God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
