After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
how does that bad decision feel?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
