And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
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