I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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