went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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