I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
