My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
