dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
