operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
