You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
You are a genius and a whore.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
