we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
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