Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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