Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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