It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
it glows. i had to have it.
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Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
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I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
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