yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
