cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
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