you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
