Apparently you make a good broom.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
