she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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