Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
