apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
