4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
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