Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
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