I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Randomize
