There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
