Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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