Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
