The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
