so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
