I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
