i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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