I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
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