she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
