we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
