Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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