some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
